Because of You
by Liannis
Summary: Dinner with Clarence causes Claire to reflect on her past.


Claire smiled at Clarence as they stopped outside her front door. "I had a very nice time. Thank you for asking me out."

He smiled back. "It was my pleasure, Claire."

There was a second's pause before she kissed him, her lips brushing softly against his. "Good night, Clarence."

His smile grew wider, and he nodded. "Good night."

Claire smiled as well as she slipped into her apartment, closing the door and locking it behind her. The day she'd met Clarence, she never would have anticipated going on a date with him.. But she had, and she planned on seeing him again. The first person at Crane, Poole, and Schmidt who dared comment to her about the inappropriateness of dating a coworker was getting an earful. Alan, Denny, Coho, Brad...they'd all slept their way through the coworker pool, and nothing happened to any of them. The only one she'd met who hadn't been inappropriate was Paul Lewiston, and he seemed far too formal to engage in such debauchery.

But, in all honesty, what was it about Clarence that she enjoyed so much? Perhaps the old adage was true and opposites did attract. While Claire and Clarice had a lot in common, Clarence was quiet where she was loud, shy where she was bold, sensitive where she was, well, not. It wasn't that she was a heartless bitch, more that she'd learned long ago that emotions were weapons that could be used against you. It was far better to keep the wall up, so that no one could reach you, could hurt you...it was the only thing he'd ever taught her.

---- --------

"Claire!! Where are you??" She could hear her father stomping down the hall toward her room. Wide-eyed with fear, she jumped off the bed, dashing for the door. If she could just lock it, she'd be fine. But, she was too late. He threw the door open, and stood in the doorway, glaring down at her.

"Y-yes, dad?"

"Why didn't you come when I called you?" The stench of alcohol wafting forth from him made the girl's nose wrinkle, and he slapped her across the face before she could answer.

"You uppity little bitch...just like your mother was, thinking she was better than me."

"But, dad..I didn't say any.." Her words were cut short by another slap, and she could feel tears leaking from the corners of her eyes."

"And quit crying! You women, you think crying will get you whatever you want..." Grabbing her roughly by the arm, he pulled her closer, bending down to her level. "Quit crying!" The last words were screamed only inches from her face, as Claire squeezed her eyes closed and wished for the millionth time she was somewhere, anywhere else.

"Open your eyes and look at me!" Hesitantly, she did.

He continued to scream and yell at her, words punctuated by a slap or a shake, until finally her tears stopped and she stared past him at the wall. Finally, he was satisfied. Without another word, he let go of her, and left the room.

She stood there in shock for a few minutes after he left, just waiting for him to return. When he didn't, she locked the door, and returned to her bed on wobbly legs, sitting on the edge. Taking the phone from the side table, she dialed a number and waited.

"Catherine? It's Claire. I can't make it tonight. I'm not feeling well." It was only after hanging up the phone that she started to cry, at first silently, but then full wracking sobs that shook her small frame.

---- ----

That was the night she decided that emotions were a weakness and she would hide hers from the world. If nobody knew how she felt, it would be harder for them to hurt her. She'd been very good about keeping her guard up, through school, at work, in her personal life. Right up until she'd met Clarence. From the beginning, she'd felt a kinship with him that she just couldn't explain. It was why she'd been so willing to help the man behind Clarice, which was a very un-Claire like thing to do. It was why she'd told him about her father, something nobody she wasn't paying $80 an hour knew. No details of course, but it was enough. Was she finally starting to care about someone? The idea was scary, but the idea of going through the rest of her life alone was terrifying.


End file.
